Interview of the Renegade
by MistyxKisame
Summary: Ask your favorite Mass Effect characters questions and get their responses, featuring renegade male and female Shepard. Mostly based on events in Mass Effect trilogy and ships in the ME universe.
1. Chapter 1

Hey bastards. I'm just kidding. Hey there. This is my Mass Effect Q&A. I've already doing one for The Walking Dead video game and now I have on for this one. Enjoy. I would put it in scripted format (you know since it's easier and make more sense to be honest), but the last time I did it, it got reported by an asshole. The little bitch…okay just kidding again. It's against the rules so I should have expected it.

 **Q: Who's the sexist race in your universe?**

 **A:** "Well it's not the asari as all these tentacle furry fucks would say. No offense." said Shepard.

"None taken…I think." said Liara wondering what a furry was when asari didn't have hair.

"It's obviously the krogan. Have you heard the voices of those fuckers? Too sexy." said Shepard.

"I thought you said the krogan looked like a dinosaur that fucked a turtle." said Ashley.

"Doesn't matter. Even if you're ugly as shit, if your voice sounds cool we can go all night all long." said Shepard.

"Well you would if you didn't have a girlfriend." said Tali crossing her arms.

 **Q: Favorite Mass Effect game**

 **A:** **_The second one. Mostly because you could basically kill off whoever you wanted aka Miranda, Jacob, Samara, Legion, Grunt, Tali, Garrus, Thane, Mordin, your crew that stays on the ship, and Jack. Besides that, I just enjoyed this game more than the first and the last one for some reason. Possibly because of the funny renegade options you have in the second one. M3 lacks them for me. Maybe I have to get the Citadel DLC to find the ones I really like. Plus it has some of my all-time favorite ME characters in it. Also Jack's cute self, Legion, and Grunt._**

 **Q: Shepard- What's the hardest thing you've ever done?"**

 **A:** "Figuring out whether or not I should use the extranet to find out whether or not turians have nipples." said Shepard. "Long story short, I asked Garrus and he wouldn't answer me."

"Well excuse me if some people have a reputation for giving what you humans call titty-twisters."

"I wasn't going to twist it that hard!"

"So you admit you were going to do it!"

"No…well yes."

"Well even if I did for some reason have nipples, you weren't going to touch 'em." said Garrus crossing his arms. "Besides I never take my armor off."

"No shit. You wouldn't even take off your armor after you got blasted." said Shepard shaking his head.

"Of course not! Last time I was about to, I caught you spying on me!"

 **Q: What's the best thing you can say about your female team mates?**

 **A:** "Well Ashley has some sexy ass lips." said Shepard rubbing his chin. "Samara is the only asari that doesn't freak me out. That bitch is sexy as fuck too. Fucking a MILF would be a dream come true! Let's see uh…oh right. Jack came through a lot doing that collector mission. Plus she has got the most gorgeous eyes I've ever seen. Kelly's the best. 9 out of 10 times I don't feel like punching her in the face. I wanna see her crack though. Too bad she died. Let's see…Tali has a nice personality and I admit that she does care about people other than herself. I couldn't do that shit. Miranda has nice hair and I'd slap her titties if she let me."

"In your dreams Shepard." said Miranda.

"Anyways, Evie's a robot. That bitch doesn't count." said Shepard.

"It's EDI and I recall you making passes at me before."

"That was a long time ago."

"It was last week."

"Bullshit!"

"I could…"

"Bullshit!"

 **Q: Would you ever have sex with a vorcha?**

 **A:** "Have you seen the teeth on those things? They'd eat me! Why do you think I avoid turians like the plague?" said Shepard.

"So you're scared of turians? I could have sworen you said nothing scared you." Ashley smirked at the commander.

"Shut up, Ashley." he glared at her. "You won't be looking so smug once they raise up and eat us."

"I doubt that Shepard." said Garrus.

"Of course **_you'd_** say that, Gar-Bear!" said Shepard.

"Did you call me…I thought I told you not to say call me that anymore!"

"You did, but I can't resist the urge to call you that…besides I like getting on your nerves."


	2. Chapter 2

**To Renegade: Who do you wanna fuck the most?**

"I don't know." said Jane Shepard tapping her chin. "Oh yeah, Wreav for sure!"

"Who the hell is Wreav?" asked Matthew Shepard. "Oh that's that idiot that that got jumped by the threster maw."

"In my universe, he didn't figure out I sabatoged the cure." Jane giggled like a school girl. "What a stupid fuck."

"Right fucking here." said Wreav.

"Oh uh love you Wreav!"

"Let's see. I'd say Benezia." said Matthew after careful thought.

"Why?" asked Jane knowing the answer since this was her male self.

"I wanna know if she's as good as her daughter!" Shepard was quickly thrown against the nearest wall. "It was worth it. I don't regret shit!"

 **Least favorite team member**

"To be honest, Tali. She ain't worth shit." said Shepard.

"Shepard!" said Tali hurt.

"Well stop getting injured!" snapped her boyfriend.

"I can't help I keep getting shot at!"

"Not my fault or my..." she slapped him.

 **Favorite Team Member**

"Thane, cuz I've never wanted to beat him like a slave." said Shepard. Everyone else looked at him. "What? Don't give me those looks! I've never done it!"

"Yes you have." said Liara.

"Oh right...since we're not together anymore, I lied about that being a turn on. I didn't you were stupid enough to agree to it so fast or let me keep doing it."

"Now I kind of wish I had let you stay dead." said Liara. "The scars still haven't healed."

"I also did it because all that asari hype didn't live up to..." Once again Shepard met the wall.

"Get to know that wall, Shepard. I have a feeling the two of you will see each other more often."

 **If you could do everything naked, would you?**

"Of course I would." said Shepard. "I ain't afraid of showing off my junk!"

"Nobody wants to see your junk!" said Ashley.

"You're just mad you didn't get to see it or suck on it!"

"She's right Shepard." said Tali. "I'd hate for everybody to lose respect for you because of how tiny it is."

Shepard mumbled something that sounded like, "These hoes ain't loyal."

"I don't think that would go too well for me...for reasons, you know." said Jane shrugging.

"Because you secretly have a dick?" asked male Shepard.

"No...I wish though..." she then mumbled. "...so I can choke everybody on the ship with it."

"I wonder..."

"Don't even try it, Shepard." said everyone in unison.

"Damn it."

 **Female Shepard- Can you fist yourself?**

"Nope." said Jane shaking her head. "At least I don't think I can."

 **Male Shepard- Can you suck yourself off?**

"Yep."

"What the...way the hell would you put that in your mouth?!" said Garrus.

"Oh bitch please. You're just mad you can't!"

"No I'm not!"

"What man wouldn't?"

"So you mean you would...that's really gross!" said Garrus.

"I can teach you." said Shepard placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "I heard dinosaurs are pretty damn flexible."

"For the last time, I'm not a damn dinosaur!"

."


End file.
